Filed under: Shockingly preventable mistakes
Let me introduce you to George.
George is that one guy on every job site. The one who somehow made it through orientation without absorbing a single safety tip. The one who thinks PPE stands for “Probably Pretty Expendable.” The one who, despite all odds, keeps showing up—and somehow keeps surviving.
Today’s entry from George’s field journal is a cautionary tale about what happens when curiosity meets ignorance at the bottom of a gang box.
The Incident Report George Will Never File
According to George (and three very amused witnesses), he was rummaging through the gang box looking for a laser level. He found something rectangular, yellow, and buzzing ominously. Naturally, he assumed that was the upgrade everyone’s been talking about.
Instead of aligning studs, George aligned his nervous system with 50,000 volts.
He pressed the button. There was a loud ZAP. George screamed, dropped the device, and fell backward into a pile of scrap OSB like a man shot by regret.
Turns out, he had just grabbed someone’s stun gun—because yes, someone brought a stun gun to work. Welcome to industrial construction in Northwest Indiana.
The Aftermath: Twitches, Tremors, and Denial
George now has a facial twitch that triggers whenever someone says “level.” The apprentice who witnessed the incident says it was the highlight of his entire career. The foreman made eye contact with George for a full five seconds before walking away muttering, “I don’t get paid enough for this.”
George insists he’s “fine” and claims the jolt “woke up his senses.” He has since tried to convince others that electricity is just “aggressive coffee.”
OSHA, if you're reading this—we tried.
What We Can All Learn (Besides How Not to Identify Tools)
This story would be funny—if it weren’t horrifyingly real. So, here are some takeaway tips for anyone who might accidentally channel their inner George:
-
Know your tools.
If it hums before you press anything, maybe don’t. -
Label your personal equipment.
If you’re carrying non-standard items like stun guns, pepper spray, or George repellant—clearly mark it. Or better yet, leave it at home. -
Train your crew. And retrain them when one of them is George.
Orientation isn’t just a formality. It’s a lifeline for anyone prone to mistaking weapons for tools. -
Lock your gang box.
Especially if George is within 50 feet.
Final Thoughts from the Lumber Whisperer
There are a lot of ways to make a name for yourself in this industry. Electrocuting your own face with a stun gun on a Tuesday morning is… certainly one of them.
George may survive, but that doesn’t mean you have to follow in his steel-toed footsteps. So the next time you’re on site and feeling confident—ask yourself one question:
Would George do this?
If the answer is yes... don’t.
Coming Up Next: Volume 2 – “The Great Ladder Shortcut of ‘25”
Spoiler: It ends exactly how you think it does.
Want more chaos, calamity, and construction-themed comedy? Subscribe, share, and stick around. Because in this world of scaffolding and splinters, survival isn’t just a skill—it’s an art form.
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